ways to open the heart number 718!!!!

you know those phrases, those 'cliches' which however much they make you grit ya teeth with a lil rise of irritation, somehow, somewhere within hold the pulse of truth?? well, i have been rolling the following round n round in my mind for the last few weeks now....'if at first you dont succeed, try and try and try again'...along with these words, there are countless phrases that i have read over the years pertaining to the fact that, well, if we make a mistake, or fail, or 'it' goes wrong, then simply acknowledge this, the feeling of disappointment, the hurt, the 'aaawww!!", and when ready, start over once more!

allowing ourselves to fuck up n get it wrong is the path of the, as my teacher would call it, 'recovering perfectionist', the letting go of the reins of control, and loosening up the 'how to's' somehow....its the path of humanness, and the path of taking risks over n over again to walk amongst the living..important for us human beings, less so for the zombie-kind!! ;-)

i have been allowing myself to tip toe tenderly deeper into the pool of the unknown recently, and in doing so, have been facing the slightly 'ouch' creature called disappointment....when i sit with her, i notice her hues and harmonies..slightly off key, she speaks of the torn within me, the ache of the hollow...she sits in the centre of my chest and tears a lil hole in the wholeness of my heart...i want to avoid her, and for many years i did just that very thing...but, in my quest to open more to life, and the softening to let life in to touch me, i am meeting her more fully, possibly for the first time...

i long to know her, what makes her tick, what makes her ticked off, and what can tickle her to shift n shake her tail feather into something richer...i know by avoiding 'meeting' her, i avoid, and turn away from an essential part of the very nature of human life...to risk is to take the chance that we may get disappointed. full stop. and quite frankly, unless we walk around in a cloudy shroud of delusion, the chances are we will meet her somewhere, sometime...in the dance of relationship, in the corridors of our ambitions and desires, in the throes of family n friendships, and in the day to day unravelling of the ordinary.

i am reminded of how thomas edison, inventor of the light bulb, only had the patent for that particular invention approved after something like 70 or 80 odd other ideas had been rejected!! or that abraham lincoln suffered many a defeat both politically and professionally before becoming president. n if i recall correctly, a certain young jack nicholson was told he couldnt act so give it up!!! i am sure there are countless tales in a similar vein..and yet one thing stands out...they all carried on despite, or maybe even because of those defeats and dis-beliefs, and proved that by continuing to take the risk, to have faith in their dream, anything was possible!

so..taking solace from these stories of fellow human kind, i choose to honour the meeting of disappointment, to welcome her and her gifts, and as i keep softening into all that life offers, remember the words of this beautiful Rumi poem:

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.